Friday, September 2, 2011

A mama to girls

In the sweet sunlight of my aunt's garden yesterday I had lunch with my nana, my mother and aunt and my cousin Katie. It was so nice to spend time with the beautiful women in my family- just us. It changes the dynamic of our gatherings when our partners, husbands, brothers and sons are invited. Something about having just the room-full of us girls. I love it.
My family has always been one to cherish it's boys, but somehow I feel slightly the opposite. Not that I don't adore the men in my family and would love to death any son I might ever have, but I love my girls with such a fierceness that I can't even imagine what it would be like to be the mama of boys. (I've been thinking about this a lot lately. I don't know how I would fare... Not to be sexist, but I don't know if I would be a good mama to a boy. I suppose it is something your grow into...not like you are instantly handed a seven year old. Just like my girls you grow to the stages...) Maybe I will be one day put to the test and blessed with a boy, but meanwhile I am so happy with my girls and the energy they provide us with.

My Nana had three girls and one son, loving them all incredibly. She was (is) an amazing mama who's ability to love is just a sight to behold. As my cousin Katie said yesterday, she just wants to love. She is one of the most beautiful women I have ever known. Her smile and joy at what life has given her is a sight to see.
I watched her yesterday watching my baby, and although she is now confused with time, space, and what world we are currently in, all she knew was that there was this beautiful little one and she loved it. She watched my daughter with such intensity, laughing all the while.
I asked if her babies looked like this one, as she kept saying it was hers. My aunt has said that my little one looks so much like my Welton side of the family, I wondered if it might be true in my nana's eyes as well. The red hair, fair skin and hazel eyes are like my great-grandfather, I'm told. Nana didn't respond to that question, but then again she doesn't really have answers for anything you might ask her anymore. She can say she doesn't want more lunch, and no thank you to the chocolate my mom brought, but she isn't aware of herself in the way we grow up becoming.  In many ways it breaks my heart to watch this, but I also can see her happiness. The stress of life is simply gone, and she is again in the carefree bliss of childhood. 
Many days though, I just miss my grandmother. She was love like nothing else in this world- although I suppose there are parts of her with me always.

from Mother's day this year.

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