Fall's gone

This morning I woke up to a layer of white on the porch. It was still softly snowing, and the snow plows were already buzzing down the street clearing the way for the morning commuters.
As I do every winter I was struck with the reaction of both- "Awh, how lovely..." AND "Oh, crap, already?"
I'm not a winter person. I don't even own a pair of winter boots. Finally when I turned 25 I got for my birthday a fabulously warm LLBean winter coat, but in most all regards I am ill equipped to deal with the temperatures and temperment of a Maine winter. Mostly because I'm in denial. Mostly because somewhere deep inside I still think someday I will escape to the south of France or North Carolina for the winter. Sigh. Not likely anytime soon.

Our fall was a lovely and full one.
Work, play, sleep, repeat.
The oldest of the wee ones began school again, very happily. Last night she declared herself a "bat nerd" and that she knew all there was to know about bats. She has also been semi-happily ballet dancing (but very beautifully and gracefully! I don't know where she got that!). Her little sister watches her with unadulterated adoration. It's the sweetest thing to watch, and something I understand completely having older sisters myself. It's been a beautiful thing to watch as their relationship grows and change. They truly enjoy one another and the company. I watch it very happily. Ah, my girls.

MIA

So, not sure what is going on, but for the past couple of weeks, I haven't had the desire to be here.
And I apologize.
Especially after I have had so much of my family applaud my efforts to keep them informed and up to date on the comings and goings of our lives here... not sure, but I guess just like in Your Midcoast Mama, I felt the need for a time away, a vacation, so to speak. And it's been nice. Really nice.

Not a whole lot has changed around here. A certain little one starts second grade in a few days, back to the school where she was two years ago. She is excited and nervous all at the same time. I foresee some tears, but I imagine she is going to be just fine. She knows what is coming...which is a whole new thing from a couple of years ago and she was a fresh fish. We bought her a new pair of lace of sneakers and she is proudly learning how to tie them and how to run beside me.
It amazes me to really stop and see her for all that she is...in all she is becoming. Beautiful, strong, smart and sweet. Watching your babies grow is flat out a miracle.

The littlest bean is also growing in leaps and bounds. Changing daily, as to be expected.
She's afraid of the train's whistle and the thunder, loves to cuddle and completely obsessed with fresh carrots from the garden and apples. And peaches. (which she calls apples). She adores her big sister, and all her baby dolls and spends loads of time kissing and cuddling with both.

Our house is coming along. Each step brings us closer to moving in...now we are looking at late fall/early winter... (trying to get as much done BEFORE moving in as possible...!)

Along with my month long break of blogging, I also have not taken any photos. But I will. That's next.

I hope the month has been sweet, summery and wonderful for you all, and that life is treating you well.
Thanks for reading.

cousins.

My oldest brother and nephew are visiting from Arizona. First day of many to come...playing at the beach with cousins...

girls and a lemonade stand

This was the latest in sidewalk sales out front of the old birthing center, my girl and her sweet best friend.
Quite the lovely sight, these two girls on a 85 degree day, enjoying each other and the momentary responsibility of retail life.

Red shoes and a smile.

and it's just like this.

A chapter

Dreaming of beach days...

When I was a wee one, or so my mama tells me, we spent the summer at the beach. And as a mama myself now, with my own oh-so-pale little one, who clings to me not only all day but night too, I choke at the thought of this. My very independent mama with me attached to her leg all day long while all she wanted was to jump into the ocean and shake me off...? Yes, I can imagine her gritting her teeth and wishing I would strike some independence and get off her leg. But it's funny, thinking that way. Because now, having a little one who is my every night dinner helper (if not in my arms, watching every movement on the stove or cutting board, she is perched behind the refrigerator door, playing with empty egg cartons and jabbering away to herself and/or the mice in the wall...) I understand the need of taking deep breaths, and not thinking anything of it. This is our lives right now. So here we are.
And something about that makes it feel less of a challenge. Once in a while, when you get to go for a walk by yourself, or go to the store alone- that is when you notice the solitariness of being with just your own thoughts.
I suppose that each of us needs that breath... those moments we can remember what it was like to be in our own skin and utterly unneeded by another.

But considering the beach. I know that when I go, I bring a blanket and shade of our very own. I know I bring sunscreen enough to last and sunhats and towels and snacks for my little fish (the big girl) who will only leave the water when her lips are blue and she is starving enough to fall faint on the blanket, teeth chattering and temper nearly bringing her to tears. Mama has the job of preparation, and don't you forget it. "Where is my water bottle???" she has asked me on countless occasion when I try and remind her six times to bring it to the car, and two hours later, she realizes she doesn't have it.
(ah...)

This is when I imagine other mamas. My own. My grandmother.
Watch my girls with all the love I would easily be able to bestow on a stranger, that somehow is bit more challenging when you live it day to day. I love my girls. I love them so much every single day my heart and soul ache with it.
And I have made complete peace with this is my life right now. I live this time now, another time later, and the times before this? They were before this. Every time will come to a close and something will replace it.
That's just it. That is how it happens.

So today? Well. It hasn't happened yet. But I would be willing to bet in about five years, when my little fish is 12 and my baby is 6, everything will be a chapter of a new story. Changing every day, slowly but surely. And so fast we had better not blink.

Pool-side manner...

My children? Manners...? Well... (They are relatively polite...but crazy? Yes. We've got crazy here.)

Littest Bean

When my big girl was a teensy one, I had about ten zillion names I would call her. And still do. And somehow she fits each and everyone of them. Sweetie pie, darling girl, muffin... you know. Anything and everything that has slipped out in an affectionate juicy moment. Cuddling up to those gigantic cheeks... well, that girl has got a set like nobody I've ever seen (except maybe her papa). I always wondered if she would outgrow them as she grew up, and I am still wondering. They suit her fabulously, and give way to pinching, kissing, and loving up her adorable little face.
Her sister, however, has but one name. Little bean. Her long legs and skinny arms, her bright alive eyes...

Since Friday my little bean has been sick. We struggled through the first couple of days, not sure What was happening- owning much of it to the fact that her four canines were erupting at the same time. On Sunday, however, after yet another sleepless night, I made another trip to her pediatrician's office. There we discovered, after them doing a urine test, that she had a baby UTI. Wow. No wonder.

The past 24 hours has been a true change, getting the dreaded antibiotics into her body. But yes, I am again shocked sideways by the power of those things. Her fever gone and most sign of infection with it. What is left is a truly cranky and unhappy girl. She still doesn't quite have her old beans in her, but she is getting there. Finally, we slept a good night, (thank goodness- four nights of NO sleep was starting to show on her papa and I...) 

So here goes another day of recovery...

a morning walk

thief.

A little one has decided to wake up when I do and steal my time alone.

Trying desperately hard to not be livid.

Sigh...

sweetness.

Swimming with Tilly and Logan

A dear friend with her little ones and I met up at the swimming hole in Newcastle this past Sunday. Not quite warm enough to go all in (although her kiddos did!!! Eek!) It was still lovely to be there beside the water with them. 

Nothing like an extra mama around to make you feel like it really is a village. 

(Love you, girl, and your sweet little pumpkins.) 

Too little time.

This photo from Christmas 2009...can't believe how much my girl has changed in the years since. Wow... just goes to show you can't blink with out them changing entirely. 

(Look at those cheeks! Still a glimmer of a baby in there...and now she is all grown and I can see in her eyes the look of a grown up girl.)(SIGH.)

Memories of day

Portland through her eyes